Rhoberta Shaler

BACKSTABBERS LOSE<br />
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD<br />
<a href="http://www.OptimizeInstitute.com">www.OptimizeInstitute.com</a> <br />
<a href="http://www.WorkplacePeopleSkills.com">www.WorkplacePeopleSkills.com</a>  <br />
<a href="http://www.TamingTenseTeams.com">www.TamingTenseTeams.com</a> <br />
<br />
Whatever are people thinking when they are two-faced? Are they really<br />
thinking that people are stupid and can't see the forest for the trees?<br />
<br />
When meetings take place surreptitiously, behind closed doors and blinds,<br />
suspicion builds. I was working with a finance department for a major<br />
agency. The director was well-known...and feared...for her supposed 'open<br />
door' policy. Loudly she proclaimed that anyone at any time was welcome to<br />
come and speak with her in her office. She declared that she wanted open<br />
communication and everyone feeling able to talk with her. Sounds great.<br />
So, what was the problem?<br />
<br />
When a brave person would muster up his or her courage and take her at her<br />
word, it was likely that, in moments, the yelling voice of the director<br />
could be heard throughout the department, complete with language suitable<br />
for a gutter! Oh, but that was not all. Seconds later, the door of her<br />
office would slam shut and the blinds would snap. The hopeful employee<br />
trapped inside. And, the abuse would continue.<br />
<br />
When I was brought in to act as consultant, trainer and coach, my task was<br />
to create a functioning team from these nine people. One screamer, three<br />
middle managers living on tenterhooks and five subordinates afraid to speak<br />
or step sideways. Whew! You can believe that there were many days that<br />
those folks seriously considered sick leave!<br />
<br />
People enjoy power. Some people abuse power. And, they do it from fear.<br />
No one needs to abuse power when they feel secure, when they know they are<br />
competent and capable, when they have nothing to prove.<br />
<br />
Some people feel they have to stomp on and mess with folks in order to get a<br />
promotion. In some dysfunctional businesses, this is true. I was recently<br />
working with an executive coaching client who had a boss who wanted harmony<br />
at any price. He was petrified of managing conflict in his office. My<br />
client was bringing in great clients, with their money, but her subordinate<br />
did not like her. The boss, in his wisdom, decided to release my client<br />
rather than deal with the underhanded and in-her-face behavior of the<br />
subordinate. All in the name of peace. Strange things happen in the<br />
corporate world sometimes.<br />
<br />
Of course, the opposite could also happen. The person who brings in the<br />
most money could be allowed to trample over the subordinates because the<br />
bottom line is more important than respect.<br />
<br />
A reader wrote to me about a director who plays power games. This woman<br />
calls meetings at inconvenient times and invites her favorites along. This<br />
requires folks to shift priorities, upset family plans and give up weekends<br />
just to satisfy this woman's whims. But she takes the abuse of power to a<br />
whole new level. Once everyone has changed their plans to accommodate her,<br />
she changes her mind, changes the meeting time, and the shifting begins<br />
again. What an incredibly insecure woman!<br />
<br />
Backstabbing, gossiping, greed and power games are a sign of an unhealthy<br />
organization. Worse, though, those who engage in these things are wasting<br />
vital energy and making themselves miserable. You might think that<br />
eliminating these things will eliminate you from the promotion ranks. You<br />
might think that I 'don't understand how the game is played'. Believe me, I<br />
do. My question to you is "Are you willing to give up your integrity and<br />
peace of mind on a daily basis in order to play into someone else's<br />
misguided power games?" What is the real prize?<br />
<br />
Yes, I know, you need the pay check. We all do need to be able to earn our<br />
keep. How about this, though? How about you behave in integrity with your<br />
values and refuse to play? Wouldn't that feel better? Would you enjoy each<br />
day more? And, eventually, folks will get the message.<br />
<br />
Here are a few tips for you:<br />
<br />
BE THE APPRECIATOR<br />
<br />
Mention the things you appreciate. Comment on the things you like. Discuss<br />
what you prefer.<br />
<br />
William James, the father of psychology, said, "The deepest craving of the<br />
human nature is the need to be appreciated." Appreciation is cost-free.<br />
Move the things you like forward by talking about them. It takes almost no<br />
effort to find something you appreciate about each person you know. Just<br />
give voice to it. Guess what? You'll be appreciated.<br />
<br />
<br />
NEVER SAY ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TRUE<br />
<br />
Wow! This one can change the face of the planet, let alone the culture of<br />
your workplace. Speak only about what you want to see happen, what would<br />
improve things. Focus on the positive and give voice to it.<br />
<br />
No, this is not Pollyanna thinking. That's why I wrote the book, 'What You<br />
Pay Attention to Expands'--because it is true. How much energy do you lose<br />
when you engage in the 'poor me' and 'ain't is awful' conversations? You're<br />
doing it to yourself.<br />
<br />
I'll bet you would not list gossip, backstabbing or negativity as one of the<br />
desirable values you hold dear . But, are you behaving as though that were<br />
true? Remember, your behavior is your belief and there is no way around<br />
that one!<br />
<br />
<br />
BE PRO-ACTIVE<br />
<br />
First rule of change: Be the change you want to see in the world. That's<br />
what Gandhi said and I believe it is paramount. How many people expect<br />
behaviors from others that they are not demonstrating themselves?<br />
<br />
Talk about what you want to create. Keep the buzz going about what is<br />
possible. Influence the culture of your workplace with your presence. Be<br />
strong. Be the voice for fair play and reason.<br />
<br />
Would that person who calls those meetings that inconvenience everyone be<br />
happy if it happened to her? No, she would be the first to complain. Would<br />
the person who runs to you with the latest gossip be thrilled to be the<br />
topic of conversation tomorrow morning? No, he would be outraged and<br />
declare it unfair. Would the backstabber cry when stabbed? Louder than<br />
anyone.<br />
<br />
Stop this nonsense. Just stop it. Refuse to play. It will soon end the<br />
game and, if not the whole game, it will end the game around you.<br />
<br />
I'm not talking about being a wuss, a doormat or a snob. This is about<br />
being in integrity with what you value, with being the person you most want<br />
to be. Use your energy, time and resources in ways that make you feel good<br />
every day. After all, it is your quality of life you're creating!<br />
<br />
There are risks. You may be happier. People may gravitate towards you and<br />
want to play on your team. You may become a leader and have the opportunity<br />
to demonstrate a better way of doing things.<br />
<br />
Of course, there are other risks. You may be seen as different and no fun<br />
at all. Some folks don't like people to rain on their pity parties! Or,<br />
you may catch the eye of the offender in power. Guess what? You'll be the<br />
one who is promulgating positivity. You'll be the one showing that there is<br />
another, a better way, to make it through the work day. And, they just may<br />
want you on their team. Why? Because you are easy to be around.<br />
<br />
OK, now, do the math. You're easy to be around while sharing what's<br />
possible for the team, department or company. That has to be attractive.<br />
Hang in. Backstabbers lose every day. Not only will you be winning every<br />
day personally, you very well may win the day. Be a shift shaper!<br />
<br />
<br />
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD<br />
--------------------------------- <br />
Dr. Rhoberta Shaler is the author of Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work and founder of the Optimize Institute, WorkplacePeopleSkills.com and TamingTenseTeams.com . A well-respected psychologist, speaker, consultant and coach, she works with organizations that know their people are their top resource, and with enlightened leaders who know that building relationships must be a top priority. They know that working with Dr. Shaler creates right-sized, high-performance teams that are consistently effective and profitable--especially in a troubled economy. <br />
<br />
Author of more than two dozen books and audio programs, Dr. Shaler offers cost-saving professional development through training delivered both in person and on the telephone. Call Dr. Shaler now and optimize your success. Visit <a href="http://www.OptimizeInstitute.com">www.OptimizeInstitute.com</a>  & subscribe to her ezine, The Rhino Wrestler.  For onsite & on the phone training, visit <a href="http://www.WorkplacePeopleSkills.com">www.WorkplacePeopleSkills.com</a> <br />