Many of us exhibit the annoying workplace habit of trying to be the smartest person in the room. We need to let others know that we are at least their intellectual equal, if not their superior. The trouble is, this strategy usually backfires.
We do it whenever we nod our heads impatiently while people are talking, and when our body language suggests that we have heard the message before. We do this more overtly when we tell someone, "I already knew that.
The problem with this behavior is not that we're merely boasting about how much we know. We're actually insulting the other person.
What we are really saying is, "You really didn't need to waste my time with that information. You think it's an insight that I haven't heard before. But I agree with you and totally understand what you are saying. You mistake me, the ever so wise and lovely me, for someone who needs to hear what you are saying right now. You are confused; I am not that person. You have no idea how smart I am.
Imagine if someone actually said all that to your face. You'd think they were a jackass. But that's what people hear (and think) when you say, however subtly, "I already knew that. You're better off hearing them out and saying nothing at all.
Being smart turns people on. Announcing how smart you are turns them off.
So, how do you tone down the need to tell the world how smart you are?
The first step is recognizing our behavior. Have you ever done this? Your assistant dashes into your office with a document that needs your immediate attention. What your assistant doesn't know is that you've already been alerted to the situation a few minutes earlier by another colleague. What do you do? Do you accept the document and thank your assistant, omitting the fact that you are already up to speed on the matter? Or do you find some way to make your assistant aware that you are privy to the information?
In my experience, this seemingly insignificant moment is a litmus test for our excessive need to tell people how smart we are. If you can let the moment pass with a simple, "Thank you, you're doing fine.
If you're like most people, though, you won't let it go as easily. You'll find a way to communicate that you are a step ahead of your assistant. The manner in which you do this may vary from a simple, "I already knew that, to a dismissive, "Why are you bothering me with this? But either way, the damage is done.
The implication is that your assistant has just wasted your time, that he or she has confused you with someone not up to speed with all things vital and urgent, that he or she has no clue how smart you really are.
Stopping this behavior is not harda three-step drill in which you:
- pause before opening your mouth to ask yourself, "Is anything I say worth it?
- conclude that it isn't, and
- say "Thank you.
If you can stop yourself in this minor moment with someone who works closely with you and presumably knows you wellin other words, when nothing is at stake and you don't have to flex your musclesyou have the skill to stop telling the world how smart you are. After all, if you can resist the urge in a really comfortable moment when you are in a dominant position, you will certainly hesitate in other situations when you are not so dominant and comfortable.
Think about it. If your CEO walked into your office brandishing the same document, would you tell him or her in the same contemptuous tone that you "already knew that ?
Excerpted from What Got You Here Won't Get You There, 2007
Marshall Goldsmith is a world authority in helping successful leaders achieve positive, measurable change in behavior: for themselves, their people and their teams. He has been named one of the top 50 leaders influencing the field of management over the last century (American Management Association), one of the five most respected executive coaches (Forbes) and among the top ten executive educators (Wall Street Journal). Marshall invites you to visit his library (MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com) for articles and resources you can use.
