Dear Joan:

For the last nine months, I worked with a girl who did nothing but bully me and treat me like I was worthless. I tried everything to please her but could not. Fortunately she was laid off a couple of weeks ago. I admitted to my boss that I was quite relieved that she was gone because of the way she treated me. I must note that my boss knew of my situation and did nothing to help me but always sympathized with me.
 
Anyway, after I told him I was relieved, he confessed to me that upon knowing that she may be laid off at some point, she went to him to try and convince him to fire me so that she could take my job. Thankfully he did not. Here is the catch: Upon her being let go (downsizing), she was offered a 100% commission, job which she declined.
 
Now she is trying to come back, saying she would like to accept the position. At this point, I cannot imagine working with her again. It makes my stomach turn. I am tempted to sit down with my manager and try to convince him that she is a trouble maker and because she tried to get me fired, she is not one to be trusted at all.
 
There are only four of us in a small office and she just brings down the whole morale. I don't want to cause more problems but I feel like I need to step up. What should I do?
 
Answer:

Let’s look at this situation from two different angles.
 
From your viewpoint, your boss was not supportive of you. He didn’t do anything to prevent your coworker from bullying you. (“Sympathizing” with you doesn’t qualify as a supportive behavior.) A manager needs to take steps to make certain that all employees feel safe and able to do their work. No one should have to endure bullying behavior.
 
In addition, your boss is fully aware that your former coworker tried to get you fired, since she tried to take your job. So, he knows that bringing her back to work there is bad for morale—and certainly would create a serious conflict between the two of you.
 
Now, let’s examine this situation from another angle. You say that your coworker treated you like you were worthless and that you did everything you could to please her. How did your own behavior contributed to this situation? Why did she treat you like you have little value? Why would you let someone else determine your own self-worth? Why would you kiss her behind if she was bullying you (since giving a bully power only invites more poor treatment)?
 
Trust me. I’m not justifying her behavior…merely questioning the role you played in it. If she is overly aggressive and demanding and you are excessively meek and non-assertive,   you were contributing to the problem. Regardless of her behavior, you need to remember this: no matter how someone else treats you, you are in control of how that behavior affects you. “Sticks and stones…”
 
I suspect the company is struggling a bit, since she was laid off from your small office. The good news is that he laid her off and not you. However, he must value her work contribution to some degree, or he wouldn’t have even considered offering her a commissioned position. And since she is familiar with the job and requires no training, he is probably weighing the money she could bring in, against the disruption she would cause if she came back. If your boss feels that you are too non-assertive and overly-sensitive, he may conclude that you are the expendable one.
 
Okay…back to the facts. Your boss laid her off and not you. He knows she’s a rat and if he brings her back you will probably leave (and he’ll have a lot of drama to deal with if you don’t). Hopefully, you feel that you have a healthy ego and adequate self-esteem. So, go to him and ask him point blank if he is planning on bringing her back, given what he knows about her and her negative impact on the team. If he tells you he is bringing her back, say, “That’s unfortunate. She has betrayed me and destroyed the trust of the team.” Make no threats but begin looking for a new job-- and a better manager.
 
Joan Lloyd is an executive coach, management consultant, facilitator and professional trainer/speaker.  Email your question to Joan at info@joanlloyd.com.  Joan Lloyd & Associates, (800) 348-1944, Visit www.JoanLloyd.com © Joan Lloyd & Associates, Inc.