I am a senior OD Leader and it was interesting to read in your last column about some of the leadership tendencies that are typical of women. I think I have an issue "asking in my organization. It feels as if work and my career are happening to me; I don't feel that I am directing my future. What coaching do you have for me?
Since you do not feel in control of your career, I take that as a very good sign that you need to learn to ask for what you want.
Look at Your Own Conditioning: Many women are strongly conditioned to not ask for what they want or need - "nice girls don't ask. See if there is any conditioning in your upbringing that it's impolite to ask. If so, make a mental switch that in business it is appropriate to ask (and certainly if you can make a business case for your request). There is an excellent book on the subject called Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever. The authors cite one study that estimates "a woman who routinely negotiates her salary increases will earn over one million dollars more by the time she retires than a woman who accepts what she's offered every time without asking for more."
Understand Your Organization's Culture: It's very important to understand culturally how it is appropriate to ask for things in your organization. Once put in your organization's cultural context, it's appropriate to ask for anything for which a business case can be made.
Consider Your Options: Don't limit your "asking to only raises and promotions - there are lots of things you could consider asking for including an opportunity to work on the right projects that will give you exposure and develop your skills, to asking for time off or a more flexible schedule.
Asking for a Raise: One of the things we dread most is asking for a raise, yet studies show that women are generally underpaid versus their male counter parts. So I recommend first understanding what the market bears for your position. Then go to your boss and your HR person and put forth a business case for a raise.
High-Profile Projects: Don't sit and wait to be tapped for high-profile projects. Showing enthusiasm and a desire to work on a key project is very appreciated by senior leaders. So if there are projects you'd like to work on, it's appropriate to put your credentials forward. If you are not on the short list of candidates, ask what they'd need to see to be eligible the next time.
Don't Be Afraid of "No : Don't be afraid to get a "no . Often we have to get a "no the 1st time to be considered the next time. And don't stop after one "no .
Understand the Other's Point of View: Understand what's important to them so that when you ask, you are also "speaking into their listen - meaning you are aware of what's most important to them and including that in your ask.
The truth is that this is not only a women's issue - there are many men that we coach on the same thing. And though there are many women that are perfectly comfortable asking for what they need and want, the conditioning that it is not appropriate to ask is much more prevalent and very often restricts women's leadership development and earning capacity versus their male counterparts. Both women and the organizations they serve stand to gain much by overcoming this limiting pattern of behavior.
