QUESTION: Dealing with Feedback that Doesn t Fit?
Dear Merry,
Our company just went through a 360 process and my scores were in the top 20% for our company. My boss recently called me and gave me some feedback that he feels I am not being a good listener. To tell you truth I feel that my scores show otherwise and that the issue here is that my boss is not a good listener. Help!? I feel dread when I have to get on a conference call with my boss and when I get off a call with him it takes me a long time to recover
RESPONSE: Accept the Feedback and Respond Proactively
Dear Executive,
Very often when I get called in by an executive to coach someone on their team, the thing the boss is calling the executive out on - in your case not being a good listener - is exactly a reflection of the boss leadership gap. In a recent coaching assignment the Senior Vice President of Sales called out his Vice President for being a micro manager. However when I interviewed the VP s staff none of them felt the VP was a micro manager, in fact they all pointed the finger at the Senior VP!
That said, your boss concerns are important to address, however unfounded. Your job now is to manage your reputation and do some change management with your boss. So how to respond? Here are my recommendations:
1) Proactively Address the Concerns: You can work to make an impact on what your boss thinks by managing his/her expectations and by making a point of demonstrating to your boss that you are a good listener. Meet with your boss to establish the ground work:
- Accept his/her feedback and tell your boss that your are committed to working on improving your listening skills.
- Ask, "How will we know when we see improvement?" Clarify what the metrics are: Are you interrupting? Not delivering the project deliverables exactly as s/he requested? Is s/he feeling unheard? Do you cut people off when they are still speaking?
- When your boss gives you a new project, be sure to recap what you think you heard and ask: "Is there anything else I ve missed?"
2) Keep Your Power: It sounds like you are giving all of your power away to your boss - the dread of interaction with him/her is emotionally exhausting to you. You may, or may not, be able to manage your boss opinion, however what you can manage is your reaction to him/her - by keeping your own power in the situation and not letting interactions exhaust you.
3) Truthful Self-Evaluation: It is important to evaluate yourself truthfully. Do not make your opinion of yourself - your self-image - dependent only upon your boss feedback.
4) Prepare and Demonstrate Good Listening: Before your scheduled calls with your boss, make sure that you are prepared so that you can be more relaxed.
- Make sure that you are not responding to questions or comments until your boss is fully finished sharing his/her ideas.
- Show that you are listening well by repeating back what you think you heard.
- Ask clarifying questions. For example, "When you say you need this report quickly, what specifically does quickly mean to you?" This eliminates ambiguity.
5) Don t "Try" Too Hard: You scored in the top 20% of your company so just be your authentic self with your leader.
6) Highlight Your 360 Scores: Send a copy of your 360 to your boss, with a brief summary stating that you scored in the top 20% and highlighting 1 or 2 verbatim comments or 1 compelling score. You might also want to leave a voice mail saying that you are going to send him/her these highlights and mention the one score or quote that you are particularly excited to share.
While this is an awkward situation for you, it is good that your boss shared these concerns - however unfounded - so that you can respond. Because your 360 scores are strong, I anticipate that it will be easy for you - with a little care and attention - to reverse your boss impression. Spending the time to manage your relationship with your boss will provide benefits far beyond just this one issue.
