It s been a long time since I went on my first job interview. I graduated over 20 years ago. Since then, I ve been a chemical engineer in the nuclear power industry and a software engineer for several telecommunications companies. I ve changed careers several times, gone back to grad school, moved across the country, worked for five different companies and started my own. Along the way, networking has become an automatic way of being--just like breathing, laughing with my kids, and creating action plans. I don t have to think about it. I just do it.

It was a gift when the alumni director for my alma mater asked me to write an article about the basics of networking. It s caused me to remember what I ve forgotten.

Here s what I would include in any primer on networking:

1.      Networking is a process that takes place over time.  It s not a one-time event. Where does one network? On a plane, at a friend s party, at a training class-anywhere there are people who can expand what you know and who you know and vice versa. So if you think about it, that s a lot of places. That s why networking happens all the time, not just once in a while. If you have business cards, take them wherever you go. If you don t have business cards, get some.

2.      It takes years to establish networks that are useful. It s only now, after a few years of actively making new contacts, that I can speak with someone and immediately think of another person who I should connect them up with. Don t get discouraged.  And while you are adding new people to your network, keep nurturing your existing network. How do you nurture your network? By keeping in contact. Send a useful article, email a quick question, seek advice on a specific situation. For your most important contacts, arrange to have coffee at least once a year.

3.      Develop your network before you need it. I m sure that s not what people who are job-hunting want to hear. And the most effective networks are ones in which people have seen you over time, where you ve created good will, and where you ve proven yourself to be trustworthy.

4.      Show your value to others by being who you naturally are.  Don t make up who you think you need to be. You may be quirky, curious, funny, thoughtful, empathetic, analytical.  Not everyone will be able to appreciate who you are. And the ones who do will be invaluable in your network. 

5.      Start conversations by being curious about the other person. You know nothing about a stranger other than what s visible on the outside. Go for what s inside. What s this person s sense of humor? What do they care about? Where have they been and where are they headed?

6.      You add value with fresh eyes. If someone has been in an industry for 20 years, they have forgotten what they know (just like me and networking). You will remind them of all that they know.

7.      Be genuine about what you don t know. It s disarming. It also shows that you are willing to learn from someone else. This is not school-it s not about having all the answers. I specialize in asking "dumb" questions like, "What does is mean to be in a commodity business?" Networking is about making a connection through interesting dialogue.

8.      Laugh. Be engaging. No one wants to talk to a completely serious person unless they have a need to have their ego stroked or to keep up a fa ade. And that s not the type of person you want in your network.

9.      If you encounter someone in a bad mood, don t worry about it. It s not about you. Move on. Find the "yes" people, the ones who are open to making new connections.

10.  Make connections to both give and receive. Be a good giver. Have confidence that you have something to give to the relationship. Be a good receiver. Follow up with a timely email that s genuine and to the point.

As you move through your career, notice what works for you in creating reciprocal relationships. Become aware of what s easy for you, where you connect effortlessly, without thinking.  That s the sweet spot of networking for you. 

Copyright © 2006 by Carol Ross and Associates, LLC, www.carolrossandassociates.com.  Carol is an executive coach, organization development consultant, and writer with over 20 years experience in the telecommunications and energy industries.  Carol specializes in helping clients get unstuck and into the flow of great work. She is passionate about bringing the power of the creative, intuitive right brain into a left-brained world.  While her degrees in engineering from Northwestern University  have served her well, it s been her life and work experiences that have moved her to do her best work.She is certified by The Coaches Training Institute and credentialed by the International Coach Federation.