<p><b>Dear Joan,</b></p>
<p>I have a busy, small ladies´ boutique and have a great group of women who help me. I have always employed a few college students and have been completely satisfied with each one of them. They generally stay with me until they leave for professional jobs after graduation.</p>
<p>The problem: I hired a friend of one of the college girls. I generally don´t do this, but the "friend" has turned out to be a greater employee than the original girl! I try to set their schedules so that they do not work together. However, a few times they have overlapped by an hour or so. When this happens, the original girl I hired exhibits completely out-of-character, immature behavior. She does things such as hitting her friend with a shoe, or tossing her friend´s hair over the top of her head!</p>
<p>I bit my tongue, as this girl has been loyal and had done many favors for me over the years and I don´t want to embarrass her in front of others-especially her friend. I can´t put my finger on what is happening here. Can you give me some pointers? Hurry, I´m losing my patience.</p>
<p><b>Answer:</b></p>
<p>Your employees´ longevity is a testimonial to your good treatment. And that is especially high praise in your industry where turnover is the norm. I suspect what may be happening is that either employee #1 is a little competitive/jealous of employee #2; or she is naïve about how to interact with this friend as a professional colleague.</p>
<p>If employee #2 is outshining her friend, her immature antics may be an attempt to get attention focused back to her. (To her friend: "Hey, remember me? I´m the one who got you a job!" Or to you: "Remember me? I´m the one who recommended her!")</p>
<p>This is particularly common when the person who is giving out the recognition and favor (you) is well-respected and liked. They all want to please you and so a little jealousy can creep in. You may not think that you are treating them differently, but usually these subtle cues are easy to pick up from employees.</p>
<p>On the other hand, she may be socially immature and she may think that this behavior is "fun" or "playful," as in, "Gee Betsey, didn´t we have a <i>riot</i> at work last night?" She may be more focused on being a cool friend than a great employee.</p>
<p>I´d suggest that you come at it from two directions. First, make it a point to pay a little more attention to employee #1. Notice anything she does that is good performance or takes extra effort. If she´s feeling brushed aside, this should help to make her feel valued.</p>
<p>In addition, the next time you see her do something inappropriate, find a way to get her to the side and privately say, "I know you are good friends with [employee #2] outside of work, and it´s easy to let that fun, zany relationship stuff cross over into work. The kind of fun you have with [employee #2] is perfectly fine in a social setting but that kind of playfulness isn´t appropriate here. We want our clients to look at us as sales professionals."</p>
<p>If she seems clueless, give her examples of what you have seen. Let her save face by using phrases such as, "I´m sure that wasn´t your intention," or, "I´m sure you wouldn´t have done that if you realized how it may be perceived," or "You´re a good employee and I know you wouldn´t want anything to negatively affect your relationship with customers." This should help you deliver the message without destroying her self-esteem.</p>
<p>Confronting unprofessional behavior is always one of the most challenging tasks of a manager. It can be embarrassing for both of you. Use a straightforward, conversational tone and don´t make a big deal out of it. If you approach her as her mentor and coach-not as an angry boss-you will have much better results.</p>
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<p><b>Joan Lloyd</b> is an executive coach, management consultant, trainer & professional speaker. Reach her at Joan Lloyd & Associates, (800) 348-1944, <a href="mailto:info@joanlloyd.com">info@joanlloyd.com</a> or <a href="http://www.joanlloyd.com/">www.JoanLloyd.com</a> © Joan Lloyd & Associates, Inc.</p>
<p>Do you want more tips like this? Send an email to <a href="mailto:info@joanlloyd.com">info@joanlloyd.com</a> with the subject line "<b>Online Newsletter</b>" and receive Joan Lloyd´s mini-newsletter each week.<br>
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Confronting poor performance, or difficult behaviors, is difficult. Joan Lloyd´s How to Coach & Give Feedback learning system is available at http://www.joanlloyd.com/store/default.asp</p>
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