Co-authored by Anne Drapeau and Robert Galford

You´ve been tarred with an unfair brush. Another member of the inner circle tangled with you on an issue years ago - early in your careers - and he still carries a grudge.

You weren´t the instigator; it was your boss at the time who went after him. But there it is, and because he was "in" before you were, you´ve been put on the defensive.

You approached him recently to try to resolve the situation (again) - but he won´t hear of it. He thinks you´re just trying to undermine him, get him in trouble.

Things to think about: What if anything can be done? How does one forge a working relationship without trust? Should you enlist others to help you? To endorse you? To say to him: "He´s not so bad; give him a chance?" Should you approach the guy through text instead of in person? Would the method of communication make a difference?

Ask yourself if it´s necessary to resolve the "old issue," or if you would be better off to rebuild trust by looking forward. (We cover rebuilding trust in detail in chapter 13, and you can get an overview of the concept on our website.) And keep in mind that if you ask others to help you out, you run the risk of your request getting back to this guy, and annoying him even more.

About the best you can do is to appeal to him directly, asking flat out what it might take to bury the hatchet. But unless there is a need to force the issue and resolve the "cold war" you may be kind of stuck. Rob´s father also used to say, "it´s hard work to change a bigot." And in fact, you may not be able to. At best you may be able to change the views of those around him.

Excerpted from The Trusted Leader.